


Friendship is everything to us

by neige



Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 18:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 15,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2478365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neige/pseuds/neige
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I would love to see a fic where Aramis kind of goes on this epic downward spiral with perhaps several things happening in a row to contribute to it: </p>
<p>Maybe the Red Guard who actually pulled the trigger to kill Adele could start taunting him (or just somehow make it clear that she is dead for having had an affair with Aramis). The Queen could miscarry (and he can't really talk about it with anyone). Maybe a mission goes wrong, civilians are injured and he can't save them. Perhaps he runs into Isabelle/Sister Helene's father in Paris and is blamed for her death. The Duke of Savoy comes back...</p>
<p>More on the prompt in the first chapter</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:
> 
> Anything really - I'd just like to see this kind of crushing combination of factors start to mess with his psyche.
> 
> I'd prefer that there be no big speeches of self pity, but I would love him to maybe worry that he's cursed and/or that he will bring destruction to all those around him (and I want him worried for them, not exactly pitying himself, though perhaps blaming himself).
> 
> Perhaps he starts to withdraw from the others (or even totally cuts himself off from them)... stops eating/sleeping. Becomes super serious and rigid. Hyper-vigilant. Takes too many risks. Puts all his energy into practicing fighting and swordplay and doesn't do anything else. Just lots of signs that he is clearly deteriorating and not handling it all well. 
> 
> Anyone?
> 
> Disclaimer: The musketeers belongs to Alexandre Dumas, and the Tv show to BBC.
> 
> I would like to thank my beta SirLancelotTheBrave for helping me with my grammar and punctuation.

 

**Chapter 1**

 

 

D’Artagnan proposed to take care of their horses while Aramis went to look for a room. As he was approaching the inn, he met a man he never thought he would see again. It was Isabelle’s father. It seemed that the man recognized him too, for he grew angry at the sight of Aramis.

“You!” he cried, “you have the nerve to come near me again, after what you did to my daughter!”

 

“I am sorry, monsieur…” began Aramis, but he was cut off by the angry father.

 

“You’re sorry? You say you’re sorry…Not only did you seduce my daughter and impregnate her, but because of YOU she chose to leave when she lost her child. She felt you didn’t care, so she became a sister. She was finally beginning to let the past go, beginning to forget **_you_ ** and what you did to her. Now she’s dead, and you’re **_sorry_.** Sorry won’t do any good…” he said, advancing on Aramis and cornering him against a wall.

 

“Please calm…” Aramis couldn’t finish what he was beginning to say, for his words made Isabelle’s father angrier.

 

“DON’T tell me to calm down; you’ve really some nerve to show your face to me. Not only have I learned that my daughter is dead, but that she died in your arms, fighting **_your_** battle. It’s **_your fault_** she’s dead! **_You_** destroy everything you claim to love! You’re a danger to everyone you come in contact with. I pity any friend you think you have, for they don’t know you can destroy them!” he cried as he drew his fit back and hit Aramis in the face.

 

Aramis was frozen by the verbal attack and didn’t see the fist coming. His head was thrown back into the wall behind him. Pain exploded in his skull and his legs refused to support him. He collapsed on the ground.

 

He blearily looked up at Isabelle’s father, who was panting. He stared at him furiously and said, “Don’t you dare show me your face again, for next time I see you, **_I will kill you,_** like you killed my daughter. Is that understood?”

 

Aramis couldn’t find words to answer him, so he settled for nodding his head. All that Isabelle’s father had said was ringing in his head, echoing what he was already thinking. For him, it was just a confirmation of what he was.

 

Isabelle’s father finally calmed a little, seeing Aramis nodding at his feet. He turned and left, leaving him on the ground as the sky opened up, rain pouring over their heads.

 

Aramis was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the rain had begun to fall. It was like this, sitting under the rain with the beginning of a black eye, that D’Artagnan found him.

 

“Aramis!” he called to his friend as he rushed to his side.

 

As he knelt next to him, he checked his friend for any other injuries. Seeing there was none other than the rapidly blackening eye and his pale face, he put a hand on Aramis’ shoulder and shook it, calling his name as he did so.

 

“Aramis! Are you alright? Aramis, answer me! Aramis!” he cried as he kept on shaking Aramis’ shoulder.

 

Aramis shook his head as he finally became aware of everything around him once again. He felt the rain pelting on his face and shivered. He finally turned his head and saw D’Artagnan’s worried face next to him. He blinked, hearing the concern in his friend’s voice.

 

“D’Artagnan,” he said softly.

 

“Aramis! I was beginning to worry, are you alright?” asked a very concerned D’Artagnan.          

 

Aramis seemed to take control of himself and shakily rose to his feet. He leaned briefly for support on the wall and again shook his head to clear his thoughts.

 

“I’m fine, just surprised.” he eventually replied to his worried friend as they began to walk once again towards the inn.

 

“What happened? Why did someone punch you?” asked D’Artagnan.

 

“Oh, it was nothing. Just a man jealous of my dashing looks,” said Aramis, joking to ease the tension. He tried to smile, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.

 

“Aramis, on my way here I passed a man who seemed angry and was muttering to himself. Was he the one who punched you? Do you want me to go after him?” continued D’Artagnan.

 

“It’s nothing you should worry about, D’Artagnan. I just accidently ran into him. And he was angry, I apologized, he punched me and I fell down, end of the story. Come on, I am tired, let’s find a room,” said Aramis quickly.

 

“You sure you don’t want me to…” tried D’Artagnan, but he was quickly interrupted by Aramis.

 

“What I want is a room to sleep and a fire to dry off these drenched clothes and a good night’s sleep,” said Aramis.

 

“If you’re sure,” said D’Artagnan, not really convinced, but letting it go as it seemed Aramis didn’t want to talk about it.

 

* * *

 

They made their way to the inn, where Aramis asked for two rooms, but as there were a lot of people there, there was only one room left with two beds, so they had to share. Still, it was better sharing than sleeping outside. They made their way to their room to change out of their drenched clothes. Once done, they went downstairs to eat something and to warm up beside the fire. Aramis tried to get himself comfortable as near as the fire as he could.

 

A waitress placed before them both a stewwith bread on the side and some wine. D’Artagnan happily dug in; he was famished. As for Aramis, he toyed with his spoon and took a little sip of his wine. He was deep in thought about meeting Isabelle’s father. He just wasn’t hungry. D’Artagnan seemed to realize the brooding state of his friend and tried to ask him about it.

 

“Aramis? You sure you’re alright?” he asked.

 

Aramis seemed to come back to himself as he blinked and focused on D’Artagnan.

 

“Yes, I’m alright; I am just tired and not really hungry. I think I’ll go to bed,” he replied with a weak smile as he rose to his feet.

 

He bid D’Artagnan good night and made his way toward their shared room. Once in the room he took a breath and crossed the room toward the bed nearest to the window. He stripped down to his undergarments and lifted the blanket. He settled down on the bed, covering himself up. He turned and looked out the window, thinking again about his last encounter. It just confirmed what he was already thinking. He was feeling so guilty about his first love’s death. He shut his eyes as a tear began to make its way down his face. He breathed in deeply and wiped it away.

 

He knew with these thoughts that he wouldn’t be sleeping this night; he also knew that if he slept, those he once loved would come to haunt him in nightmares. He pretended to sleep when he heard D’Artagnan come in and prepare himself for bed. Once D’Artagnan had settled down and was breathing slowly, Aramis opened his eyes to look at the moon. He settled in for a long sleepless night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2** :

 

Morning came and the two friends were readying their horses for the rest of their journey back to Paris. Aramis hadn’t slept at all during the night, so he was tired. During the night, his bruised eye had blackened and he had dark rings under both. He didn’t want to worry D’Artagnan, so he hid his eyes with his hat.

 

They began to ride back to Paris. To keep up appearances and not worry D’Artagnan with his brooding mood, he tried to keep up a conversation by making some jokes and telling him stories about his earlier days in the regiment.

 

D’Artagnan was happy to see Aramis back to his old chatty self. Plus, he really loved hearing stories about his friends and what they were up to before he met them.

 

Aramis was just in the middle of another story when he tensed. They were not far from Paris, but something was off. It was too calm. He slowed down his horse and looked around him. D’Artagnan was confused and was about to question him when Aramis raised an arm to keep him quiet and motioned for him to take in his surroundings. Together they watched and listened for something.

Suddenly a dozen armed men appeared and rushed at them.

 

* * *

 

 

Aramis and D’Artagnan shot at their assailants with their guns, taking down two men. Even so, they were outnumbered. They fought on their horses for a while. D’Artagnan managed to kill one of them before dismounting his horse and engaging another. Aramis felled two more men on his horse before he too dismounted. He saw in his peripheral vision D’Artagnan defeat another one.

 

He parried an attack from the man he was fighting and made a step to the right to avoid a strike. He saw his opening in his enemy’s defense and quickly struck him. The man was dead before his body hit the ground. The defeated opponent was barely on the ground before another four men were on him. Aramis knew they wanted the letters and they saw a threat in him.

 

He glanced briefly at D’Artagnan and saw him struggling against his opponent. He was as tall and as big as Porthos and was using all his strength against his friend. Aramis took a deep breath and began to fight anew. He managed to defeat two of his opponents before hearing a cry.

 

“D’ARTAGNAN!” cried Aramis as he saw his brother fall to his knees, a gash on his side already bleeding sluggishly.

 

He saw the man had a great advantage, and he knew if he didn’t intervene, his friend would die. He fought harder than before to defeat his two remaining opponents. The last one hit the ground dead as Aramis threw a dagger through D’Artagnan’s attacker’s heart just as D’Artagnan made the killing blow.

 

He looked around him to verify that all their attackers were dead before running to his friend’s aid.

D’Artagnan was still on his knees.

 

“D’Artagnan! Are you alright?” he asked his friend, concerned.

 

“Aramis! Yes, I think so, it hurts but I don’t think it’s too deep. And you, are you alright?” he replied.

 

“Yes, I am not hurt. Now let me take care of you! You’re going to have me sewing you back together for the first time. Try to relax” he said to D’Artagnan, trying miserably to joke with him.

 

Aramis inspected his friend’s wound and saw it wasn’t too deep, but it would require stitches. He told D’Artagnan so and asked him to remove his shirt while he retrieved his sewing kit. As he came back, he couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt at his brother’s wound. He couldn’t help the feeling that it was somehow his fault. He tried to be extra careful as he washed D’Artagnan’s cut and began to sew. D’Artagnan stilled under Aramis’ ministrations and took a deep breath.

 

“I’m sorry you were hurt. If I was faster, I could have prevented your wound,” said Aramis, guilt in his eyes.

 

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault,” replied D’Artagnan, confused by his brother’s words. He continued, “If not for you, I’d be dead. I saw you fight: those were some pretty impressive moves you made.”

 

Aramis didn’t reply, working quickly and with precision; he didn’t want to hurt his brother any more than he had to. After a few minutes, he was finished and bandaging D’Artagnan’s wound.

 

“There you go: good as new,” said Aramis with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

 

“Thank you, Aramis,” said D’Artagnan.

 

“You up to finish our journey now, or you want to rest some more? We’re not too far from home now,” asked Aramis.

 

“We can leave now. The faster we reach Paris, the faster we can rest. And the faster we can see Athos and Porthos,” replied D’Artagnan.

 

“Alright, as you wish,” said Aramis tiredly.

 

The mounted their horses and began the last leg of their journey back to Paris. They were both tired, and Aramis was deep in is his thoughts about the last few days. As they rode, Aramis fought the memories of Savoy, of his dead brothers all around him. He shook his head and tried to concentrate ahead of him. He didn’t want to worry D’Artagnan anymore than he already had.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 :**

They finally reached the garrison. D’Artagnan and Aramis dismounted and entrusted their horses to the stable boys. Tréville was waiting for them and made a sign for them to come and report on their mission. Aramis and D’Artagnan nodded and went to his office.

 

“Aramis, D’Artagnan, how was your mission? Do you have the letters?” asked Tréville, looking at D’Artagnan “Are you alright?” he finally asked, concerned by the pallor of his Musketeers.

 

Aramis kept his hat down to hide his black eye and the rings under his eyes.

 

“Yes we have the letters,” replied Aramis, giving Tréville the letters. “The mission was successful, but on the way to Paris, not far from there, we were attacked by a dozen bandits. D’Artagnan was hurt,” he continued.

 

“It’s not a serious wound, just a cut…” D’Artagnan explained quickly.

 

“A cut that required stitches! If I had been quicker, you wouldn’t have that cut!” replied Aramis, angry at himself for not preventing his friend’s injury.

 

“Aramis, it’s alright! I am fine! If I remember correctly, you couldn’t help me sooner because you were fighting four men at the time. Plus, if you didn’t come when you did, I would probably be dead!” said D’Artagnan, trying to convince Aramis that he had done all he could.

 

Aramis was opening his mouth to reply when Tréville cut him off. “Enough!” said Tréville. “If it is not serious, then you’re not to blame, Aramis. From what D’Artagnan is saying, you couldn’t have helped him sooner. I am proud of you two for coming back with the letters and fighting against a dozen of attackers with only a cut. Am I clear?” he asked to his men.

 

“Yes, sir,” they both said.

 

“Good! Now go and rest. You need it. I won’t be giving you any assignments in the two or three days to come, so you can rest, alright?” he asked, adding when they nodded, “Good, now you’re dismissed.”

 

They nodded and made their way out. Athos and Porthos were waiting for them downstairs, eager to have their friends back.

 

“So, you’re finally here. It’s good to see you both!” exclaimed Porthos, putting an arm around Aramis’ shoulder. He briefly stiffened before relaxing again.

“Are you two alright?” asked Athos, taking in their paleness and stiffness.

 

“A little tired, and worse for wear, but essentially alright,” answered D’Artagnan.

 

“We were attacked on the way back. D’Artagnan was hurt and needed some stitches,” said Aramis, his hat still hiding his eyes.

 

He began to walk away toward a confined space and sat down at a table, followed first by D’Artagnan, then by Athos and Porthos. The last two exchanged a worried glance and Porthos sat down next to Aramis.

 

“Aramis, it isn’t your fault I was hurt, even Tréville said so. It’s just a cut. It barely hurts anymore,” said D’Artagnan, trying once again to appease a guilty Aramis.

 

Aramis shrugged and didn’t answer, clearly lost in his thoughts. Porthos frowned and looked at Aramis. It seemed like his brother was trying to hide something: something concerning his face. He wanted to know what, so without preamble, he snatched Aramis’ hat from his head. They now could see what he was trying to hide.

 

He was pale and drawn, with dark circles under his eyes and a black eye.

 

“Aramis! Were you also hurt during the attack?” asked Athos.

 

“It’s nothing! I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” he replied quickly as he snatched his hat back from Porthos’ hand and put it back on his head while throwing a glare at Porthos.

 

“He wasn’t hurt in the attack…” began D’Artagnan, only to be cut off by Aramis.

 

“D’Artagnan, enough. It’s nothing, just some man I didn’t see coming my way and who was angry when I accidently ran into him. Nothing more, nothing less! Now I am tired, I’m going to sleep. I bid you good day!” replied Aramis quite forcefully while he rose to his feet.

 

Without another word he walked away toward his quarters, leaving behind him concerned friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part won't be posted before next week.  
> I hope you enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is next part, hope you enjoy :)

** Chapter 4: **

 

The following morning Athos met Porthos and D’Artagnan at the garrison. Athos noted that D’Artagnan had some color back on his face. He seemed much better with a good night’s rest.

 

“D’Artagnan, you seem to feel better,” he said.

 

“Yeah, I am better! A good night’s sleep was all I needed,” answered D’Artagnan with a smile.

 

“Glad to hear it!” said Porthos with a grin. He added, “Aramis here yet?”

 

They looked around to see if their friend was already there. They saw him coming slowly toward them. They smiled at him when he joined them. Aramis responded with a nod and small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He once again had his hat covering his eyes.

 

“Aramis! How do you feel this morning?” asked Porthos cheerfully.

 

“I’m fine,” he said quietly.

 

The three friends exchanged looks at their friend’s reply. He was not his usual happy self. As they were to rest for the next few days, they decided to ride for the day outside of Paris.

 

As they rode, Athos, Porthos, and D’Artagnan were talking about everything and nothing. Porthos and Athos regaled D’Artagnan with stories of their adventures as Musketeers. Aramis kept to himself. He was deep in thoughts, but he responded occasionally when his brothers solicited his memories of certain events. His responses were short, but he tried really hard to keep up appearances so as not to alarm the others.

 

“Hey, you poutin’?” asked Porthos, as he remarked that Aramis seemed not present with them.

 

Aramis blinked at him, surprised out of his thoughts by his friend’s voice. Porthos took his delayed response as a sign he was mad, so he added, “Because I’m sorry about telling the lad of your visit with the freezing river, I know I promised I wouldn’t tell but…” He trailed off as Aramis interrupted him.

 

“Ok, alright, it’s fine,” said Aramis, quietly shivering involuntarily at the memory of freezing water. Aramis continued, “Sorry, my friends, I’m a bit tired. I think I will head back to sleep a little. Sorry if I’m not good company.”

 

“We could also head back if you want. Don’t worry, we understand it was a tiring assignment,” said Athos with a small smile.

 

“You don’t have to accompany me back, I don’t want to deprive you of this ride on a beautiful day,” answered Aramis, trying to avoid their concerned looks.

 

“You wouldn’t deprive us. Besides, D’Artagnan may also need rest. What do you say, D’Artagnan? Do you wish to keep this outing or go back with Aramis and rest?” asked Porthos.

 

“I’m fine. I could continue for a while, but we can head back and rest. It would be better for us to head back together. Maybe we could eat something, too,” said D’Artagnan.

 

“As you wish,” said Aramis as he began to turn his horse to head back home.

 

They arrived at the garrison, took care of their horses and then went to eat. Porthos, Athos, and D’Artagnan all dug in their meals happily.

 

They didn’t notice that Aramis barely ate and kept playing with his food. He was silent and still lost in his thoughts about everything that happened these last few days. He felt a headache coming. He sighed and massaged his head discreetly. Aramis hadn’t slept well the night before; he kept having nightmares all night long. One of them woke him up with a panic attack. He’d tried all day to keep up appearances but it was so hard. He finally decided to retire to his quarters.

 

“ _Mes amis_ , I bid you goodnight,” he said as he rose up and nodded to them as he began to walk away after receiving a goodnight from his friends.

 

Athos noticed that Aramis’ plate was barely touched. He decided to keep this to himself, resolving to keep an eye on his brother. He had a feeling that something was wrong with Aramis.

 

The following day, Aramis decided to train. There were two reasons for this. One, he hoped to be better, so he could prevent his friends being hurt because of his lack of abilities. Two, he thought if he was tired enough by this, he could finally sleep through the night without any nightmares. He began easily with shooting at targets, but it was as always perfect. By midday he stopped for a little bite to eat. He decided for the afternoon to practice hand to hand combat.

 

He began to train against everybody who would agree to spar with him. He took some punches but mainly defeated his adversaries. When it was time to eat the evening meal, he was beyond tired. Athos made him sit down and Porthos gave him something to eat. His glare said he had better eat it if he didn’t want Porthos to force him to. Aramis gave them and D’Artagnan, who was sitting across from him, a small smile.

 

D’Artagnan tried to engage him in a conversation.

 

“So, did your training satisfy you today?” he asked.

 

“It was tiring, but good,” replied Aramis quietly, and added to divert the attention of himself, “And you? What did you do today?”

 

“I parried with Athos and Porthos, it was funny when Porthos…” began D’Artagnan, only to be interrupted by Porthos, who wanted to add his piece to their training.

 

Aramis held back a sigh of relief when their focus wasn’t on him anymore. He finished eating quickly and quietly rose to his feet to escape his brothers, hoping for a good night’s sleep. He didn’t see, however, that Athos didn’t fall for his ruse, nor the look of worry crossing his face.

 

“…so as I said, it was funny! Don’t you think so, Aramis?” said D’Artagnan.

 

D’Artagnan and Porthos realized that their brother wasn’t there anymore.

 

“Where’s Aramis? Is he alright?” asked Porthos, concerned for his friend.

 

“He left. He seemed tired,” replied Athos, not wanting to worry Porthos and D’Artagnan with his observations of Aramis. After all, it could be nothing, even if he didn’t really believe that. His concerns for his friend were beginning to be confirmed, and Athos didn’t like it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next part, hope you enjoy :)

 

 

** Chapter 5: **

****

During the following days, Aramis continued to train in the vain hope of being tired enough to sleep. He didn’t know what to do; he was so tired. The training didn’t keep him from having nightmares and often when he woke up from them he had to battle anxiety attacks. He didn’t think he deserved his friends, so he began to keep his distance from them. These training sessions had an advantage, however. He was correcting faults in his battle skills.

 

What Athos saw was worrying him. Aramis wasn’t himself; he didn’t seek his friends’ company and barely ate anything, eating only when he or Porthos sat him down and forced him to eat something. More than that, he seemed exhausted all the time. Athos decided to confide his worries to Porthos, deciding he would talk later to D’Artagnan. Moreover, D’Artagnan was on guard duty with Aramis. For now, he wanted to know what Porthos thought.

 

“Porthos, can we talk?” he asked.

 

“Is it about Aramis?”

 

“You’ve also noticed he doesn’t seem like himself?” said Athos.

 

“He doesn’t smile anymore, he barely talks… All he seems to be doing is training,” said Porthos with worried frown.

 

“Plus, he doesn’t eat nearly enough and I don’t think he sleeps well. He tries to hide it behind his hat, but I saw him the other day and he had dark rings under his eyes,” added Athos.

 

“So it isn’t just me. What can we do?” asked Porthos.

 

Athos was about to answer when D’Artagnan and Aramis, who had finished their assignment, appeared and came toward them. D’Artagnan was trying to make Aramis smile by telling him stories of his childhood, but Aramis was lost in his thoughts. He seemed paler than the previous days.

 

“How was guard duty?” asked Porthos with a smile.

 

“Quiet enough. The Cardinal came, and asked me to bring a letter to one of his guards! The nerve of that man! Aramis stayed with them though,” explained D’Artagnan.

 

They couldn’t continue their conversation, for at that moment Tréville called them to his office. Once they were all there, Tréville gave them new orders. They were to go to the south of France to investigate a case of burning farms. They would be gone for at least three weeks. Tréville had another motive to send them, particularly Aramis, away for these weeks. He had just learned the Duke of Savoy was coming for another visit. He didn’t want Aramis to suffer anymore. He was worried for his Musketeer; something was off with him. He didn’t want to add another thing that could hurt him. He didn’t want him to see the Duke again after what happened the last time.

 

He didn’t see Aramis’ relief at the news of this assignment. He didn’t know that Aramis had heard the discussion between the King and the Cardinal about the visit. From the moment he heard that the Duke was coming, he felt the cold settle in his bone and was constantly fighting a panic attack. He tried to hide it from his brothers, particularly Porthos and Athos, who knew the signs of his attacks. He tried to control his breathing. But when he heard of the assignment, he began to breathe easier.

 

With their orders received, they decided to prepare the things they would need for their journey. They would be leaving the following day. Aramis left them quickly to have an “early night” as he told his friends, so he would be rested for their assignment. Athos and Porthos shared a look and nodded to each other. They would try to confront Aramis on the road.

 

 

* * *

 

 

D’Artagnan, Aramis, Porthos, and Athos had begun their journey at first light. Porthos was riding with D’Artagnan and Athos. Aramis was at the back, wanting to be alone. He was very tired: the past night he had nightmares of Savoy. He was in low spirits, and the dark thoughts were heavy on his mind. He didn’t want to bother his brothers with those thoughts. It was something he must deal with alone. He didn’t deserve their friendship.

 

Athos, as if sensing his brother’s brooding, slowed his horse to ride next to him. He rode quietly and observed him out of the corner of his eye. Aramis didn’t seem to notice his presence. He seemed very tired and pale, and it looked like he had lost some weight. He tried to have Aramis focus on other things, and he knew that a wound would rouse his instincts and be the trick to get him speaking.

 

“Aramis, I was wondering if you could tend to my hand? I cut it this morning. I don’t think it requires stitches, but it is quite bothersome. Do you have some balm for it?” he asked, showing Aramis his hand.

 

Aramis blinked at him and looked at the hand Athos held before him. He took in the cut and nodded.

 

“Yes, I have something, but I would have preferred for you to come directly to me, it would not be as painful as it is now,” answered Aramis quietly. He took the balm from one of his saddlebags and began to apply it to the cut. Once done, he bandaged it lightly.

 

“You know I am here if you want to talk,” said Athos, knowing Aramis wouldn’t talk if he was pressured.

 

“Thank you, but I am fine,” replied Aramis.

 

“Don’t hesitate to come to me or Porthos if you need to. We’re here for you,” added Athos seriously. “Now, how about you teach me some Spanish?”

 

“You want to learn Spanish?” asked Aramis, surprised.

 

“Yes. It could be handy to know. So what do you say?”

 

“Alright!” Aramis said with a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

 

Athos smiled at the small victory he had. Aramis seemed to come out of his thoughts for a while as he began teach him Spanish.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.  
> I don't know however when next part will be posted :)  
> Thank you for reading

** Chapter 6 **

 

_Five days later._

 

Aramis, in spite of his friends’ attempts to make him talk and laugh, was even more silent than before and didn’t seem to respond to any of them anymore.

 

Evening was falling, so they decided to stop for the night near some woods. Aramis once again isolated himself as they prepared their meal. D’Artagnan went to look for water, Athos was building a fire, and Porthos was trying to catch something to eat.

 

Aramis went to tend to their horses. The evening was cool and the woods brought back the memories that were slowly rising since he heard of the Duke’s arrival. He shivered. He heard a branch break and the sudden noise triggered something within him. He looked around him. Nothing. His breathing began to speed up. He felt cold sweat running down his spine.

 

_No_ … He thought… _No, not now… The others are here… I don’t want to worry them…come on Aramis, calm yourself! Take a deep breath… and out… you can’t panic here… come on…_

 

He tried to even his breathing so as not to alert Athos, who was not far away from him. Slowly he got his breathing back under control. It took a lot out of him to fight this panic attack. He slumped against his horse and tried to gather his remaining strength. It was at about that time that his friends called him to eat.

 

Porthos looked up as Aramis made his way to them. He seemed off. He didn’t know what, but he knew that something had just happened to his friend. It looked like he had made an effort, for he had sweat on his face. Porthos said nothing as they all began to eat. D’Artagnan, Porthos, and Athos all chatted as they ate their meal. As for Aramis, he kept to himself and ate a few small mouthfuls.

 

After they ate, Porthos signaled to Athos that he would try to make Aramis react and leave his shell. He rose to his feet and went to his friend, who was sitting near a pond.

 

“Hey, Aramis, you alright?” asked Porthos as he sat down next to him.

 

“Yes, I’m fine,” said Aramis quietly.

 

Porthos tried to press Aramis a little more. “You sure? You don’t seem all that well to me,” he said.

 

“I am fine, Porthos,” was the response once again.

 

“Come on, Aramis, we all know that’s a lie. You are _not_ fine. So can you tell us what it is or do we have to make you tell us?” said Porthos

 

“Porthos, I just told you I’m alright. It’s nothing!” replied Aramis, who began to feel cornered.

 

“It’s not nothing, it’s something. So can we try again? What is troubling you? We can’t help you if you don’t tell us,” said Porthos, who was getting worked up.

 

“And I told you _I am fine,_ Porthos. Nothing is bothering me, so leave me alone!” said Aramis, who was beginning to panic at his friend’s words and the pressure he felt.

 

“Of course you’re not _fine,_ Aramis. You can’t really think you can hide your health from us? Because you can’t! We see how pale you are, we see the rings under your eyes. You barely eat! And you call that nothing? It’s _not_ nothing! Wake up, Aramis, you’re not alright!” said Porthos angrily.

 

“Porthos, I don’t want to talk about it, _please!_ ” said Aramis, who was beginning to breathe faster under the pressure.

 

“You don’t want to talk about it? We’re worried about you and your health and _you don’t want to talk_? The way you are right now, you’re not at you’re best. What do you think will happen if we’re attacked? You could be hurt, or any one of us could be hurt defending you because you’re too tired to be in the fight! Is that what you-”

 

“Porthos! ENOUGH!” cried Athos, who had heard Porthos’ rising voice as he came toward his two friends.

 

At the same time, Aramis said quietly, “Stop, Porthos, please.”

 

“Porthos, that’s enough. Aramis will come to us when he wants to talk. We will not force him! I know you want to help, but saying those things will only make him less likely to talk,” Athos continued, looking at his two friends.

 

Aramis had his head down and was shaking slightly. He had tears in his eyes and was having trouble breathing. He couldn’t stand this anymore. What Porthos said was what Isabelle’s father had said to him. He turned and walked away. He didn’t want his friends to see him break down. As he passed Athos, his friend put his hand on his arm, trying to meet his eyes; he stiffened and shrugged Athos’ hand off. Aramis walked away.

 

“I know, I know! I shouldn’t have done that! I don’t know what came over me…” said Porthos, who began blaming himself as soon as the words he said to his brother had left his mouth.

 

“Porthos, we are all worried about him, but I think we should let him come to us. We have to support him and be there for him,” explained Athos.

 

“You’re right; I’ll ask for his forgiveness tomorrow, let him cool down before trying to talk to him again. I hope he’ll accept it.”

 

“Porthos, it’s Aramis. Of course he will accept your apology,” said Athos with a small smile. What Athos didn’t tell Porthos was that as Aramis left he could have sworn he saw tears in his eyes. He continued, “We should try to determine when he began to withdraw from us and into himself.”

 

“You’re right.” Porthos thought for a moment. “I think it was after he came back from his assignment with D’Artagnan.”

 

“Yes, that’s was I was thinking too. Maybe something happened during it?” Athos said thoughtfully. “Maybe D’Artagnan can help us. We should ask him.”

 

They made their way to their camp and to where D’Artagnan was sitting next to the fire. They sat down beside him.

 

“So where’s Aramis?” asked D’Artagnan.

 

Athos and Porthos exchanged a glance. “We had an argument and he went to cool off,” Porthos explained.

 

“We wanted to ask you if anything odd happened during your last assignment together?” asked Athos.

 

“Hum… Apart from a man hitting him because, according to Aramis, he wasn’t looking where he was going and ran into him… I don’t think there is anything else… Wait, you don’t think it has something to do with that?” D’Artagnan asked.

 

“It could be… Wait, his black eye didn’t come from your fight?” asked Porthos. He shared a glance with Athos, who nodded. Something must have happened then.

 

“Did you see the man? What did he look like?” Athos questioned further.

 

“I think I passed the man when I was making my way to Aramis. The man seemed angry and he was muttering to himself. Let me think… Yes, I think I heard a name… it was Isabelle,” remembered D’Artagnan.

 

“Did you say Isabelle?” asked Athos. When D’Artagnan nodded, he continued. “Isabelle was the name of Aramis’ first love; she died when we were protecting the queen at the convent. She said her father sent her there…”

 

“You think it was her father?” asked D’Artagnan.

 

“It could explain why he was angry, if he just learnt of his daughter’s passing. Seeing Aramis so soon after, he might have taken out his anger on him and said some cruel things,” reasoned Porthos.

 

“He must have blamed Aramis, and Aramis, who was already blaming himself, took it to heart and began to distance himself from us. You know how he is good at blaming himself,” murmured Athos.

 

“I think he also blamed himself for my injury when we were attacked,” added D’Artagnan.

 

They nodded; they had found what potentially triggered their brother’s isolation. Now they just had to help him and convince him not to blame himself anymore. They decided to let him cool off for the night. They would confront him again in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

** Chapter 7 ** **:**

 

Aramis barely managed to distance himself from Porthos and Athos. He was breathing heavily. He fell to his knees near a tree as tears began to fall down his cheeks. What Porthos said to him had hurt him deeply. It was one thing to hear that he was a danger to those he loved from someone who once knew him, but to hear it from someone so close to him, from his brother, was unbearably painful.

 

He began to lose himself in memories of Isabelle’s death, how she had died to protect them. Then her body faded to be replaced by those of his brothers from the massacre. His tears fell harder as the memories overcame him. This time he didn’t, and even if was aware of it, couldn’t fight the panic seizing him. His breathing quickened and he began to sweat as his anxiety level rose. He sat down and leaned against the tree as black spots entered his vision. As he couldn’t control his breathing, he felt his consciousness swept away from him.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun woke him from his troubled slumber. As he opened his eyes, Aramis became aware of where he was. He groaned as he felt his head pounding, and he knew it was the result of his anxiety attack.

 

After taking a few minutes to collect himself, he rose shakily to his feet. He leaned on the tree before turning to rejoin his friends to continue their journey. He didn’t really want to be face to face with Porthos again, fearing what he would say to him. He didn’t want to find out, but he didn’t have a choice. Duty came first. If his brother didn’t understand what he was trying to do, it would be sad, but if doing his duty and distancing himself from his brothers made them safe, it was worth their hatred.

 

Once Aramis arrived at the camp, he saw that Athos, Porthos and D’Artagnan where still sleeping. Not wanting to disturb them, he went to tend to their horses. Caring for his horse always helped him to calm down.

 

As Aramis was caring for the horses, Athos woke up. He looked around him, it was still early but the previous night they had decided to have an early start. He shook Porthos and D’Artagnan to wake them up. They came to with a groan.

 

“Porthos, could you make us some breakfast? D’Artagnan, I want you to gather our effects. I am going to look for Aramis,” said Athos.

 

“Athos, I can go find him. I need to apologize,” Porthos said, sounding guilty.

 

“I would prefer to find him myself. He may not listen to you,” said Athos.

 

Porthos nodded reluctantly and Athos began to search for his brother. He didn’t have to look for him very far, as he was with their horses. Athos approached quietly and observed him. He seemed stiff and it looked like he had a rough night. Not wanting to surprise him, he took a brush and advanced toward his horse. He cleared his throat to let Aramis know he was there, and began to brush his horse. His brother looked up, surprise in his eyes. When he saw it was Athos, he looked down once again and focused on his task.

 

“You know Porthos didn’t mean what he said to you last night,” began Athos. When Aramis didn’t reply, he continued, “He just worries about you. And he is not the only one. D’Artagnan and I are worried as well. Still, he shouldn’t have said what he did.”

 

Aramis didn’t respond.

 

“I am not going to make you talk about it, but I want you to listen to me, okay?” he asked. He got a tiny nod from Aramis.

 

“We are here for you, for everything and anything. If you want to talk about the weather, or the ladies, or what is bothering you, we will lend an ear. If you want to scream, hit something, or anything else, we will be beside you, alright? And I want to say one last thing: we love you and don’t want you to be hurt, so don’t hesitate to come to us. Even if you just want a hug. Understood?” said Athos, a bit uncomfortable with the sentiment but powering through for his brother’s sake.

 

Aramis gave a small nod but didn’t look up. He didn’t know how to take Athos’s words. He was confused and it didn’t help that his head was still pounding

 

“I know you think you’re not hungry, but please come with me and try to eat something. You didn’t eat last night and I know you’ve lost weight, so just a little something, please?” Athos continued, knowing that pleading with him like that and not pressuring him to eat would at least have Aramis come and eat a little. Better that than nothing, he thought.

 

Aramis sighed and Athos knew he’d won as Aramis began to follow him slowly to their camp. Athos was a little worried about his brother’s silence but knew he wouldn’t talk if he didn’t want to, and it seemed he wouldn’t want to for a while.

 

Athos sat next to Porthos and Aramis next to him. D’Artagnan and Porthos greeted him, but Aramis didn’t respond. He was looking at his feet to ignore his brothers’ stares. Porthos held back a sigh as he saw his brother’s reaction; guilt rose up as he was reminded of his words from the previous night.

 

They began to eat in silence. Aramis managed to eat a dried fruit, but couldn’t eat anything more with his headache, and he already felt nausea coming. Once done, he rose up to walk once again toward their horses.

 

Athos nodded at Porthos, who rose up to and started in his direction.

 

“Aramis,” he said quietly “I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was angry and spoke without thinking. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me? I was really worried, and you know I have trouble expressing myself when I know my brother isn’t alright. I promise I won’t push you anymore, but I’ll be there for you for you. Anything you need, alright?”

 

Aramis didn’t look up, but gave him a small nod. Porthos nodded too and sighed. He was worried about his friend’s silence, but Aramis wouldn’t even look at him, so he couldn’t really do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter won't be posted before the 1st of December.  
> Sorry, but I begin a formation on Monday.  
> But I would dtill like to know what you think of my story this far.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> Hope you enjoy :)


	8. Chapter 8 unbetaed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am so sorry for the long wait.   
> I post right now the next chapter, but it is not corrected, so sorry for any faults.

They were nearing the end of the forest they were passing. Suddenly a cry alerted them. They looked around them and saw they were surrounded by about thirty men. It was an ambush! As they saw the men attacking them they drew their pistols. Aramis took two of them with a perfect hit through the heart he had time to load and fire his musket two times before their enemies reached them and he had to draw his sword. Athos, Porthos and D’Artagnan took down two attackers each with their musket before drawing their sword too.

 

They began to battle with sword. They stabbed and parried their opponents. Athos managed to down three of them before getting down from his horse to continue the fight. Porthos was on feet rapidly, preferring to fight on his feet than on a horse. He felled two men with brute force and was parrying against three. D’Artagnan was holding his own against two men after having killed two men too.

 

Aramis was on his feet too engaging three men. He had killed one more man and was struggling to keep his focus on the fight and on his friends. He was tired and the headache didn’t help the matter.

 Two more men fell to Athos’ sword. He was now engaged against four men.

 

Aramis had just defeated the three men against him. He looked for his friends. D’Artagnan was gaining the upper hand on his adversaries, he didn’t need help. Athos seemed to play with his opponents. It left Porthos, he was gaining the upper hand too, but a man managed to land a blow on him cutting his side. He yelped and it distracted him, and he didn’t see that a man was aiming at him. Aramis was already on the move to help his brother. As he saw the musket he began to ran towards Porthos.

 

“Porthos!” he cried.

 

As he cried the man pointing the musket at him fired. Aramis pushed him away and stumbled into Porthos with a surprised cry as the bullet hit him on his left shoulder, right above his chest. Porthos   managed to catch him as he fell.

 

“Aramis!” he cried echoing the cries of Athos and D’Artagnan.

 

The two of them came to them cutting through the men who were on their way. Finally they defeated all their attackers and they were finally near their friends.

 

“Aramis! Porthos ! You alright?”  asked D’Artagnan, as he and Athos knelt down next to them.

 

“I’m alright, just a cut! Aramis took a ball to the shoulder” said Porthos who was trying to look at his brother’s shoulder.

 

“Can we ride a little ahead to find a shelter to heal you?” asked Athos concern in his eyes for his brothers.

 

Porthos side was bleeding a lot, but not enough to be life threatening. Aramis shoulder too was bleeding heavily but the bullet was still in his chest which was not good news.

 

“We have to put pressure on the wounds and if we find shelter in the next 15-20 minutes it should be alright” said Aramis in a weak voice as a shiver ran through him.

 

Porthos removed his bandana and pressed it against his side, while Athos was helping Aramis to remove his sash and fastening it to his own wound. D’Artagnan was scouting ahead to see if he could find a shelter.

 

Finally as they dressed the wounds as best as they could D’Artagnan came back.

 

“I found a cavern about five minutes from here. We could tend to Porthos and Aramis’ wounds there” said D’Artagnan.

 

Athos nodded and helped Aramis to his feet and to his horse. Porthos managed on his own if a little unsteadily. They began their way to the cavern Athos riding next to a very pale Aramis and D’Artagnan near Porthos.


	9. Chapter 9 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is next chapter, enjoy :)

Once they reached the cavern D’Artagnan began to make room for their camp, to treat Porthos and Aramis’ wounds, while Athos helped them from their horses.  Porthos sat down and Aramis sat next to him with the intent to see to his wound without regards to his own, still bleeding one.

 

“Aramis, stop it’s okay, my wound isn’t too deep. It can wait, yours however is still bleeding” began Porthos seeing that Aramis wanted to his wound. He tried to meet his gaze but was unsuccessful for Aramis wouldn’t look at him. He then looked shared a look with Athos.

 

Aramis was still trying to look at the wound ignoring his brothers. Athos tried with D’Artagnan’s help.

 

“Hey, Aramis come on, we will tend to Porthos wound, don’t worry. Look at him, he is alright.” Tried D’Artagnan, putting a hand on his arm.

 

It didn’t seem to help.

 

“Listen Aramis, if you let us tend to your wound now, we will tend to Porthos’ wound faster” said Athos more forcefully than D’Artagnan.

 

It seemed to do the trick. Aramis sighed and sat down next to them. He didn’t speak nor looked up. He just nodded. He seemed down. D’Artagnan began to help him out of his clothes while Athos was preparing the tools they would need to remove the ball. D’Artagnan helped Aramis lay down, once they had removed his tunic.

 

With Aramis now shirtless, they could see that their brother had lost some weight. He had lost weight he couldn’t lose. It was accentuated by the rings under his eyes and his pallor. In short Aramis looked like death warmed over. They exchanged a look. They were surprised by the state he was in. they didn’t know he was this bad. All the while Aramis seemed in his own world for he avoided their stares.

 

Athos took a deep breath. He approached and began to take the bandage off the wound. Blood came up steadily from the wound. He asked Porthos and D’Artagnan to keep Aramis from moving for what was to come.

 

He then proceeded to pour some of his alcohol on his brother’s wound. Aramis didn’t react except for a tightening of his mouth. Athos gave the wine to Aramis who only swallowed a little of it. He looked at Porthos and D’Artagnan and they nodded to each other. Porthos and D’Artagnan restrained their friend, and Athos began to look for the ball which was still inside Aramis’ wound. Aramis tensed and turned his head but otherwise was silent. It was like there wasn’t any fight left in him.

 

Finally Athos found the ball and removed it. Luckily, it didn’t touch any organs. After washing and cleaning the blood away, he began to stitch the wound. Aramis lay limp under them, which was quite worrying for the three friends. The stitches done, D’Artagnan helped Athos bandage Aramis. By the time they were done, Aramis was finally unconscious. Athos and D’Artagnan then turned to Porthos, who sighed.

 

Porthos wound was only superficial thanks to Aramis. It didn’t even need any stitches. Athos let D’Artagnan wash and bandage the wound while he occupied himself to make them some supper.

 

* * *

 

 

After they ate, they decided to try to sleep. D’Artagnan took the first watch; Athos would take the second one and Porthos the last one.

 

There wasn’t much trouble during his watch. However, Aramis began to become restless. He tossed in his sleep and groaned.

 

D’Artagnan approached him and put his hand on his right shoulder. He frowned as he took notice of the sweat across his brother’s brow. He removed his hand and placed it on his brow. Aramis was a little warm. It seemed like he was beginning to develop an infection. He checked the bandage and found a little blood on it. He gently lifted it to take a look at the wound and found it regular. He proceeded to take a rag and moistened it. He put it on Aramis forehead.

 

Aramis seemed to calm down, and to fall in what seemed a peaceful sleep.

 

D’Artagnan carried on his watch keeping a worried eye on Aramis. He didn’t want to miss it if Aramis’ fever rose up or he became once more restless.

 

The rest of his watch was calm. He woke Athos up and informed him of Aramis’ state.

 

Athos sat himself next to Aramis and near the fire. He checked on him, placing his hand on his forehead noting the fever. He rinsed the rag and replaced it on his brother head. He kept vigil on his watch and noted that Aramis temperature was progressively climbing up.

 

He woke Porthos up and told him of Aramis’ state. Porthos looked worried at the news. Porthos sat himself next to his friend. He kept watch on his friend.

 

As the night wore on, and the sun was rising, Aramis began to trash in his sleep prey to a nightmare. Porthos moved as fast as he could with the wound on his side. He took Aramis hand and squeezed it.

 

“Hey Aramis, come on it’s a nightmare. You’re with us, you’re safe” he said quietly, but it didn’t seem to help.

 

He then tried to gently shake his right shoulder, as he did so he called to him.

 

“Aramis come on, wake up” he said.

 

Aramis was breathing quickly as he woke up with a start. He was disoriented and as white as sheet. Porthos relief at his brother awakening was short lived as Aramis put a hand before his mouth and began to retch in a bucket that Porthos just had time to provide.

 

Porthos held Aramis hair from his head as he threw up. He was worried for his friend. Once done Aramis was panting and looked utterly exhausted. Porthos offered him some water to rinse his mouth.

 

“Hey, how do you feel?” he asked as he tried to meet his eyes.

 

“I’m fine, how is your wound?” Aramis replied as he avoided his friend gaze.

 

Truth was he was pretty miserable. His chest and shoulder hurt and he was cold.

 

“You’re incorrigible you’re the one hurt and you ask for my wound. I know you won’t answer me truthfully until you know. SO, I’m alright it bled quite some BUT it didn’t even require stitches. I will be as good as new before you know it.” He said then continued “Now you tell me how you really feel, and don’t tell me you’re fine”

 

“My shoulder hurt a little and I’m cold” he finally said quietly after sometime.

 

Porthos nodded, patted softly Aramis good shoulder and put his own blanket on Aramis.

 

“You should try to sleep, it is good for you if you want to heal faster” he said.

 

Aramis nodded and closed his eyes. In a matter of minutes he was asleep with his brother watching over him. Porthos felt once more Aramis’ forehead and found that he now had a mild fever. It seemed that his brother was developing an infection. He replaced the rag on his forehead and settled for the rest of his Watch.


	10. Chapter 10 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is next chapter, it is also unbetaed, sorry for any faults.  
> I hope you enjoy, tell me what you think :)

Chapter 10

 

Athos woke up, he passed his hand on his face and sat up. He glanced at Porthos and rose up to join him next to Aramis. D’Artagnan, not an early riser if he could help it, slept on.

 

“Hey, how was he during your watch?” he asked to Porthos as he glanced at their brother.

 

Aramis had two red spots on his cheeks and was mumbling in his sleep.

 

“His fever rose up and he briefly woke up after a nightmare” answered Porthos taking Aramis’ hand and squeezing it to show his brother he was there. He added “He didn’t talk much and was sick, I’m worried for him Athos”

 

Athos sighed and nodded. He put his hand on Aramis forehead. He was surprised by the heat coming off from his brother.  As he did so, Aramis began to talk in his restless sleep.

 

“ ’m sorry…loved her… didn’t want her to die…Isabelle… no…no… sorry…cold… all dead…my fault… sorry” he mumbled as his breathing sped up and tears escaped his closed eyes.

 

Porthos and Athos shared a worried glance. Aramis was having a nightmare from Savoy, and it seemed like he was dreaming also about Savoy. Porthos squeezed Aramis’ hand once again, and together they tried to wake their friend. Athos gently shook his good shoulder, calling to him.

 

“ Aramis, come on wake up… Aramis you’re not alone… you’re not back here…Come on wake up” he said softly.

 

Aramis came to with a “NO!” as he tried to sat up, but he was too weak and fell down with a little cry of pain. Porthos was gently helping him down, and took his face in his hands, to make him look at him. Aramis’ cry woke D’Artagnan up and he made his way to his brothers. He looked worriedly at Aramis, and finally found Athos gaze who mentioned him. He asked him to make breakfast while he himself was going to a nearby river to have some fresh water.

 

All the while Porthos was talking quietly to Aramis.

 

“Aramis, you with me?” he asked softly.

 

Aramis nodded weakly avoiding Porthos eyes. He had some tears coming down his cheeks. He tried to move his good hand to swab his cheeks, but Porthos prevented it and dried gently the tears with his thumbs. All the while Aramis was fleeing his glance.

 

“Aramis, please look at me… you don’t have to be ashamed… we understand… and everybody has nightmare… please look at me” he said softly.

 

Aramis nodded and sighed softly, finally he looked up and into his friend’s eyes. Porthos sucked a breath as he saw the lost look in his brother’s eye. He seemed like he hadn’t any strength left in him to fight.

 

“You know what happened isn’t your fault” he tried but it seemed flutter his friend. “Ok, ok ok, I won’t speak of this right now… Calm down… come on breathe… that’s it nice and slow” he said.

 

Aramis seemed to calm down with his help. At this moment D’Artagnan approached them with some breakfast. He tended a bowl to Porthos who nodded and placed it on the floor next to them. He accepted another bowl from D’Artagnan, for Aramis.

 

“Aramis you should eat something” said D’Artagnan.

 

“Not hungry” was his response.

 

“You should at least a little you need your strength to recover” Athos said as he came back with the water. He asked “Do you want some water first? We don’t want you to become dehydrated”

 

Aramis nodded realizing only now how thirsty he was. Porthos helped him to sit up with care and slid down behind him so his back was to his front, as Aramis didn’t have the strength to keep himself up. Athos approached and tended Aramis a skin of water. Aramis took it with a trembling hand, and tried to drink from it. As he seemed to not have the strength Athos held his hand to steady it so he could drink.

 

“That’s it, drink slowly, not to fast, you don’t want to be sick” Athos said gently.

 

Once he was done, Athos tended asked D’Artagnan to help Aramis eat some of his breakfast while he was going to make new bandages for Aramis, as his had blood on them.

 

“You don’t have to eat all of it, just a little, please” he said seeing Aramis was about to protest.

 

Aramis managed to eat a little of his meal before he couldn’t eat anymore. All this activity let him exhausted; he was trembling and breathing heavily. He was also very hot to the touch. It worried his friends that despite his injury he was so weak, but they shouldn’t be surprised. Indeed, before his injury Aramis was already exhausted and weak from lack of sleep and food.

 

Athos came back to his brothers and knelt down in front of Aramis.

 

“I’m going to change your bandages and wash your wound, let us do all the work, alright?” he asked. Aramis nodded weakly.

 

Athos began to undress Aramis’ wound with D’Artagnan’s help. They did so gently not to hurt him anymore. As the wound was finally in front of their eyes, they could see it was deep red. Aramis looked down at the wound and frowned, he had difficulties to concentrate. His head was fuzzy and was throbbing.

 

“It seems you’re developing an infection, Aramis. I’m going to pour some alcohol on it. It will probably hurt” explained Athos.

 

D’Artagnan handed him the alcohol before Athos had time to ask for it. He looked at Aramis in the eyes.

 

“Ready?” he asked.

 

At Aramis nod, he began to pour the alcohol on it. Aramis whimpered as it made contact with his skin. As the pain intensified, Aramis felt his consciousness sleep away from him, and surrounded to the darkness.

 

Porthos started as he felt Aramis go lax in his lap. He looked at Athos and D’Artagnan with a concerned look in his eyes.

 

“He…?”

 

“He lost consciousness.” confirmed D’Artagnan.

 

Athos kept to his task and bathed the rest of Aramis chest with cool water, to try to cool his body. Then, with D’Artagnan’s help he redressed the wound. Once done, Porthos tenderly laid Porthos on his cot; he then took a wet rag and put on Aramis’ forehead.

 

He remained near his brother and began to eat his breakfast with D’Artagnan and Athos. They discussed quietly Aramis nightmare.

 

“So it’s clear he blame himself for his first love death” D’Artagnan said after Porthos and Athos explained to him what happened before his awakening.

 

“Yes, but I feel like there is something more, something he is keeping.” said Porthos.

 

“What make you tell this?” D’Artagnan asked.

 

“The fact that in his nightmare he seemed back in Savoy, something must have triggered this” explained Athos and Porthos nodded at him.

 

“I hope he will talk about it later” said Porthos.

 

All three of them nodded. After eating, D’Artagnan went to tend the horses, while Porthos proposed to go clean their things in the river. After one last worried look at his sleeping brother, he went letting Athos with Aramis.


	11. Chapter 11 Unbetaed

As the hours passed Aramis’ health deteriorated. He was burning with fever, tossing and turning in his sleep as he had nightmares. When his brothers managed to woke him up he wasn’t lucid. He was caught up in his memories of Savoy and he kept seeing Isabelle’s death and how couldn’t save her. He wasn’t with his brothers, he didn’t see them and their worried glances as his fever raged.

 

_He was back in the dark and cold forest. He was seeing his brothers being murdered in their sleep. He was hearing their screams, as clearly as if they were his own. Then before him he saw the Duke of Savoy in front of him, unmasked. He was too slow and he felt something hard coming against his head. He felt a cut to his side and saw the Duke turning his back to him, to kill another of his brother. He saw himself thrusting his sword on his back, leaving a mark on his back._

_Then he heard silence, all his brothers dead, Marsac among them. He fell to his knees as he saw their dead eyes upon him. He could see the reproach in their eyes, next he saw among Isabelle, dead also accusing eyes looking at him._

_He was hearing Isabelle’s father telling him it was his fault, that all his friends were dead because of him. He heard that all the people around him died because he was a menace to them._

_“Please… Please I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to die… Forgive me… Isabelle… No…I’m so sorry… Marsac sorry… no…” he was saying among the voices of the dead he was beginning to hear._

_As he was saying this, the Duke came back, trying to kill him and at the same time telling him how trustless he was. Aramis managed weakly to draw his own sword to par the oncoming attack. He kept hearing those hurtful words as he tried to fight his adversary._

_“You won’t kill my friends Duke!” he tried to say. The Duke kept coming at him with his worlds and sword, menacing him and his brothers._

_He felt himself shaking. It was a sensation that began from his right shoulder and extended to his whole being and kept extending to the woods. The world shook and the Duke shook. From this, he hear a voice calling to him._

_“Aramis,…   come  …  up… you’re… …ght… ARAMIS!”_

_“NO…PORTHOS!” it was his brother’s voice._

_Porthos couldn’t be there too, [ **breath** ] he couldn’t be dead [ **breath** ]…no no no no [ **breath** ]… His wound couldn’t be this bad… [ **breath** ]._

_The world kept on shaking. He could barely see where he was. He couldn’t see the Duke and his brothers anymore, nor could he see Isabelle or hear his father._

_“Aramis! Please….safe…wake…”_

_“NO D’Artagnan…no” Aramis said as he heard his young brother’s voice._

_“ARAMIS! WAKE UP!” he heard from Athos voice and then nothing._

__________________

“ARAMIS! WAKE UP!”

 

Aramis opened his eyes and was aware of a blinding pain in his head. He felt like he was burning and at the same time he was freezing. He felt a burning pain on his chest and left shoulder.

 

He felt himself sitting up and resting against something hard and warm.

 

He was breathing fast and couldn’t seem to take in enough air. He saw a rag enter his vision and felt it on his forehead. It was cool and on his hot forehead. He closed his eyes at the feeling. He felt another rag bathing his chest in cool water.

 

He didn’t hear his friends who managed to wake him up.

 

“Aramis look at me please” came a gentle voice.

 

Aramis opened his eyes as he recognized Athos voice. He couldn’t focus on what he was saying but he blearily looked at him. He saw him talking to him but didn’t really hear him. He looked worried, he wanted to know what made him look like this, ask about Porthos and D’Artagnan but he couldn’t concentrate long enough to form the words.

 

He couldn’t regulate his breathing as the image of what he was seeing before awakening kept going in his head. He felt panic coming at him as he shivered. He finally felt a hand coming from his side and taking his. He felt a squeeze and realized that the something he was resting against was Porthos as he felt his chest moving as he spoke quietly in his ear. He couldn’t make what he was saying to him though.

 

He felt another hand squeezing his other hand. He looked up and saw D’Artagnan’s worried face. He wanted to open his mouth to tell them he was alright, that they shouldn’t be worried, that he was a danger, but he couldn’t.

 

He was panicking as he couldn’t control himself. He felt something against his mouth. He opened his eyes; he didn’t even know he had closed them. He saw Athos tending him a skin. He opened his mouth slowly and felt cool water in his mouth. He managed to drink some mouthful. It left him exhausted, as he kept on trying to regulate his breathing. He felt himself tremble against Porthos, and more at each passing second.

 

He felt the darkness lurking; he was so tired that he let himself surrounded by it.


	12. Chapter 12 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter.  
> Hope you enjoy :)  
> I won't be able to post before the 16th of the mont, sorry.

Chapter 12 Ubetaed

 

At the same time:

 

Athos was keeping watch over Aramis. He was worried, as the hours passed Aramis health deteriorated. He was now burning with fever and tossing and turning in his sleep. Athos kept changing the rag on his forehead to try to cool him, but it didn’t seem to help.

 

Porthos and D’Artagnan were back from their tasks, just in time for a storm had begun. They knew they should move their brother, to find a village. However, they could not in this storm Aramis could become more ill than he already was. It was too risked; they would have to wait for weaver to calm down before moving him.

 

At this moment Aramis began to moan and talk in his sleep or rather nightmare.

 

“Please… Please I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to die… Forgive me… Isabelle… No…I’m so sorry… Marsac sorry… no…” Aramis was saying.

 

Athos looked at D’Artagnan and Porthos who had approached as Aramis began talking. He shared a worried look with them. He nodded as Porthos reached to shake Aramis shoulder to wake him up.

 

He tried to shake him gently and calling to him quietly, but Aramis didn’t hear him.

 

“You won’t kill my friends Duke!” Aramis kept talking in clear distress.

 

They startled at these worlds, why would Aramis dream of Duke? They frowned and Porthos tried to wake Aramis with a little more strength.

 

“Aramis…, come on, wake up… you’re alright” He said and as Aramis didn’t seem to respond he called “ARAMIS!”

 

Aramis reacted and they heard

“NO…PORTHOS!”

 

Aramis shook his head as he seemed more distressed. They shared another look and Porthos frowned at not being able to reach his brother. D’Artagnan proposed to try as it seemed that Porthos voice rose Aramis anxiety. He put his hand on Aramis burning cheek and another on the shoulder Porthos released it and sat next to him.

 

“Aramis! Please, you’re safe with us. Come on wake up” he tried.

 

Aramis became more distressed and his already labored breathing sped up.

“NO D’Artagnan…no” He cried weakly.

 

He seemed so defeated. It hurt his brothers to hear and see him so vulnerable. Porthos greeted his teeth and closed his hand in a fit. He hated seeing his little brother in this state. He felt powerless. He hit his fit on the ground next to him.

 

Athos took D’Artagnan’s place; he hoped he could wake him up. He would do Aramis no good to stay in this nightmare. He was weak enough to fight his infection, if they could avoid him having nightmares, they would. He didn’t want him to suffer alone. He already suffered enough this last weeks.

 

“ARAMIS! WAKE UP!” he tried.

 

Aramis opened his eyes. He sighed in relief and heard that D’Artagnan and Porthos did the same thing. However his relief was short lived. Aramis eyes were unfocused and he was still trembling. He didn’t seem to be there. He tried to talk to him.

 

“Hey Aramis, glad to see your eyes.” Athos said softly, but didn’t have any answer.

 

He heard Porthos and D’Artagnan talking to each other.

 

“I will prepare some clear water” said D’Artagnan.

 

“And I will prop him up so we can bathe him to cool him down” Porthos said quietly.

 

He refocused his attention on Aramis who had closed his eyes and was breathing heavily. Porthos came next to Aramis and gently lifted him up. He slid behind him to support him.

 

D’Artagnan came back and handed him the water. Athos put a rag on his forehead and took another to bathe him to cool him down. Aramis moaned weakly at the contact. Once he finished he tried.

 

“Aramis look at me please” he said.

 

Aramis opened his eyes and looked at him. He seemed to recognize him but he didn’t talk. He tried to talk once more.

 

“Aramis can you understand me? Can you answer me” he tried.

 

Aramis didn’t answer and didn’t make any indication that he had heard any world Athos had said. He shared a worried glance with his brothers as Aramis didn’t respond and kept on shivering a little more strongly.

 

 Porthos caught Aramis’ hand in his own and tried to talk to him too.

 

“Aramis, please you’re not alone, we’re with you, Aramis?” he said in his hear softly.

 

D’Artagnan tried next to make him aware, as Athos took a rag and rinsed it with the cool water. D’Artagnan took Aramis other hand and squeezed it. Athos took a skin of water and leveled it to his brother’s mouth. Aramis opened his eyes and managed to swallow some water. Once he was done he put it on the ground.

 

He was shivering more and more as the minutes passed, as his body tensed. His eyes began to roll in his eyes and Athos put his hand on hit hot cheek.  Aramis breathed more laboriously.

 

“Aramis stay with us, please” he said urgently as Porthos and D’Artagnan squeezed his hand.

 

“ARAMIS” cried Porthos and D’Artagnan as Aramis began to convulse and finally lost consciousness.

 

Eventually Aramis became limp in his brothers caring embrace.


	13. Chapter 13 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but my computer crashed last week and I only managed to have my saved copy today, so here is next chapter.  
> I hope you enjoy it.

The following morning:

 

It was still raining badly outside.

 

Porthos was passing back and forth in their cavern throwing at each turn a worried glance at Aramis. He was going mad with worry for his brother. Not only Aramis had an infection, his fever raged and he couldn’t keep anything they tried to make him eat down. Moreover, they didn’t manage to wake him up fully; he was prey to his fever and his nightmares.

 

“It’s enough! We have to take him to a doctor, he keeps worsening! I don’t want him to die! And if we do nothing he is going to…” he began angrily but couldn’t finish his sentence as a knot made itself in his throat as he thought of his brother’s death.

 

“Porthos calm down, please…” asked D’Artagnan as he put a hand on his arm.

 

“CALM DOWN!? CALM DOWN?! How can you ask me to calm down as our brother his wasting away before us? We have to do something!” replied Porthos with despair.

 

“Porthos we can’t take him out of this cavern, BECAUSE with this rain he will become more ill and his body couldn’t support it” Athos said more forcefully as he saw that Porthos was going to argue with him.

 

Athos took a look outside the cavern and stared angrily at the rain. If looks could kill, he would have managed to kill the rain.

 

“Athos! Porthos! You should come see this” D’Artagnan said anxiously.

 

Porthos and Athos joined a kneeling D’Artagnan next to Aramis, who was trembling. They knelt next to him and took in Aramis. D’Artagnan had lifted the bandage on their brother’s shoulder. They paled as they saw how infected it was. They could see pus on his wound.

 

“What can we do?” asked D’Artagnan worriedly, he too was white.

 

Porthos and Athos shared a look and nodded. Porthos rose up saying.

 

“I’m going to gather some more water to heat it up. D’Artagnan, you need to heat up the fire”

 

“But what is going on, what are we doing?” he asked

 

“We’re doing something I was hoping we wouldn’t have to do, we have to reopen the wound, clean it and then cauterize it” Athos said as he began to remove the bandage.

 

He handed a dagger to D’Artagnan to put it in the fire.

 

“We will need all the help we can have to keep him still, he mustn’t move” explained Porthos as he came back with the water and put it over the fire.

 

Once the water was lukewarm Athos knelt on Aramis left side after taking his brothers tools to reopen the wound. Porthos was on his other side and D’Artagnan at his feet. Athos shared a glance with Porthos and with D’Artagnan. He nodded and D’Artagnan and Porthos put pressure on Aramis legs and torso.

 

Athos breathed deeply and began to open the wound. He felt Aramis tense under his ministrations. Porthos put a little more pressure as he felt his friend’s tension. As he opened the wound pus began to flow. He pushed on the wound to draw out the pus. Aramis groaned loudly and began to shake at the action. Once blood began to mix up with the pus, he took the lukewarm water and poured some of it on the wound to clean it. He once again pushed on the wound to get the pus out and repeated the process until only blood came out of the wound.

 

He rinsed the wound once more, and then took the red hot knife from the fire. He breathed deeply one more time and put the knife on the wound. Aramis’ reaction was immediate he cried weakly and tried to struggle away from the blade, but D’Artagnan held him fast and prevented him from moving.

 

The cauterization done, they all had a sigh of relief. D’Artagnan quickly rose to his feet and went just outside the cavern, just in time to be sick, because of the smell of burned flesh. Porthos helped Athos to bandage the wound. Aramis had gone law from the pain. He was as white as a sheet with two red spot on his cheeks. They replaced a cold rag on his forehead and put some more on his chest, armpits and legs.

 

D’Artagnan came back.

 

“Now what?” he asked.

 

“Now we have to do something Porthos hates… we wait” Athos replied softly.

 

Porthos grumbled something under his breath and sat down next to Aramis taking his hand in his and squeezed it.


	14. Chapter 14 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is next chapter.  
> I hope you enjoy ^^

The morning after:

The rain wasn’t letting on. It was cold outside. D’Artagnan, Athos and Porthos had relayed all the previous day and night beside Aramis. Their brother hadn’t awoken since they had to retreat his wound. His fever was still high, but not as high as the previous day which a relief for them all.

They managed to make him drink some water and take some broth. D’Artagnan was currently with him, he was cleaning his musket. Athos and Porthos were trying to rest. A little movement caught his attention. He looked at Aramis and saw that Aramis had his eyes open and was looking slowly around him.

He took Aramis hand in his and squeezed it slowly, making Aramis look at him. He seemed to be lucid enough for he recognized D’Artagnan.

“Hey” he said softly “Glad you’re awake, how do you feel?” He added.

Aramis blinked and swallowed with difficulty because of his dry throat.

“Do you want some water?” he didn’t wait for Aramis’ nod and took a skin of water and took it to his brother’s mouth and helped him drink. Once done D’Artagnan reiterated his question.

“Fine” Aramis lied weakly and before D’Artagnan had time to call his lie he added “Where is Porthos? How is he? Is his wound bad? I knew I had to tend to it…” 

“Aramis, Aramis! Listen to me, Porthos is fine. He is resting with Athos” said D’Artagnan quickly as he saw that his brother was getting worked up and his breathing sped.

It didn’t seem to calm Aramis as he began to struggle to sit up and his eyes were going everywhere, panic attack was blooming.

“Aramis, do you want me to wake Porthos up?” he asked taking his face in his hands to make him look at him in the eyes. 

Aramis nodded and D’Artagnan gave him one last glance and walked to Porthos who was sleeping next to Athos. He crouched down next to him and gently shook his shoulder. Porthos woke with a start and groan, waking Athos up.

“What is it?” he grunted as he sat up, Athos doing the same beside him.

“Aramis is awake and he is panicking because he thinks you’re hurt badly. I can’t calm him down” was D’Artagnan’s reply.

“What? He is awake?” Porthos said as he and Athos rose up.

They went to Aramis, who was still breathing heavily. Athos sat next to him and Porthos did the same on his other side. Porthos put his hand on his little brother cheek and made him look at him, noting he was still hot to the touch.

“Hey Aramis, come on look at me. See I’m there, I’m alright, nearly as good as new” he said. He began to caress Aramis’ cheek with his thumb.

“You’re [breathe] really [breathe] alright?” he asked through his harsh breathing.

“Yes he is alright, but Aramis, you’ve got to calm down, you know breathing this fast isn’t good for you” Athos intervened. He took Aramis hand and placed it on his chest. “Come on breathe with me. In… and out…. In…. And out…. That’s it, in….and out… Once you are calm enough you can check Porthos, in…. and out… you’re alright” he helped Aramis.

Once Aramis breathing was even, he looked at Porthos pointedly waiting to see his wound. Porthos sighed and threw a glare at Athos, who shrugged he knew Aramis wouldn’t calm down until he saw for himself the wound. Porthos lifted his shirt to reveal the bandaged wound.

At Aramis look he sighed once again and lifted the bandage to show him his healing cut.

“You see I’m alright, I didn’t even need stitches” he said to his friend. He shared a look with Athos and D’Artagnan at the sad look Aramis had. 

“Aramis listen to me carefully: It. Isn’t. Your. Fault!” he said making Aramis look him in the eyes.

Aramis shook his head, he knew it was his fault Porthos was hurt and D’Artagnan too.

“Aramis, you saved Porthos’ life, I saw it. If it weren’t for you he would be dead. He is alive BECAUSE of you” Athos tried. Aramis looked at him hope in his eyes.

He saved Porthos? He didn’t place him in danger? What Isabelle father said was true, right? Those were the thoughts going in his head, a new hope beginning to form. D’Artagnan seeing this continued.

“It’s true Aramis you saved his life, I saw it too AND you saved mine on our last assignment” D’Artagnan added.

“That’s right, I don’t know who put those thoughts in your head, but we are ALL alive BECAUSE of YOU. And we will say this until you believe it!” Porthos explained.

Aramis began to hope, he still doubted but what if he wasn’t burden, if he was worth living. He felt tired. He saw D’Artagnan handing Porthos a bowl with broth for him.

“You know have to eat a little to recover” said Porthos and proceeded to help him eat.

Aramis managed to eat a little, but his emotions and this left him really tired. He soon was asleep, in what seemed a more peaceful sleep. He felt safe with his brothers next to him, guarding him. Athos put a hand on his forehead and was happy to note that he wasn’t as hot as the previous day. He changed the rag on his forehead and settled next to him. He felt lighter about his little brother’s health.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, here is next chapter! I hope you enjoy :)  
> Sorry it is so short, but I didn't have more time to write...  
> Next chapter should be next monday

That afternoon, the rain finally let on a little. They decided that Porthos and D’Artagnan would be scout ahead to the next village. It was to try to find a lead on the bandits who were burning the farms. Athos would be staying with Aramis, as he was still too weak to move and still had a fever.

 

D’Artagnan and Porthos readied their horses, before Porthos went back to kneel next to Aramis. He took his hand in his and squeezed it. He promised him he would be back soon and not to worry. He would protect D’Artagnan. D’Artagnan hearing this promised to keep Porthos out of trouble too.

 

“Take a good care of him” Porthos said putting a hand on Athos’ shoulder.

 

“Be safe” answered Athos with a nod.

 

“Don’t worry, we will be back tomorrow when at night fall, if we don’t find anything” Porthos replied.

 

With a nod D’Artagnan and Porthos mounted their horses; they turned and left; letting Athos caring for Aramis.

 

Some hours passed and Aramis woke up. His health was slowly improving, he managed to eat a little more than the previous time he was awake. That’s when Athos heard the sound of a branch breaking. He was immediately on guard; it couldn’t be Porthos and D’Artagnan as they wouldn’t be coming before the next day. Moreover, they were in secluded cavern so it could be whether an animal or the ones they were looking for. It was plausible because they were not far from the villages with burned farms.

 

He slowly rose to his feet, after telling quietly to Aramis to keep still and stay where he was. He put a hand on his sword and took out his musket, as he quietly made his way to the cavern’s opening. He heard another branch braking and some voices.

 

He made his way outside the cavern as quietly as possible and hid behind some trees to have a better look on his right. Then, he saw them, the bandits who were burning farms after having robbed them. It was them because they were making their way towards another cavern with their loot. There were five men.

 

His horse made a sound at this moment. The men heard it and turned their heads in his direction. Seeing he was a musketeer, they didn’t think and charged him. He took one down with his musket and drew his sword in time to meet one of his enemies’ strikes. He was up against four men. He spared with them trying to keep their attention from the cavern where Aramis was as he wasn’t in the state to fight them.

 

He managed to kill two of his opponents easily enough and was battling with a third who was stronger than the others. His attention was on his opponent so didn’t see the fourth man on his left raising a musket at him.

 

He finally managed to defeat his opponent and turned to his last opponent. He saw the gun aimed at him and the man smirk as he began to pull on the trigger. Athos closed his eyes; he didn’t have time to do something, and waited for his death.

 

Then, a gun went off.


	16. Chapter 16 Un betaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy :)

**CHAPTER 16**

 

Athos had his eyes closed as he heard the gun going off. He was waiting for the pain. When he didn’t feel anything, he opened his eyes to see a surprised look on the man with the musket. As the man crumbled to the floor dead, he saw the man had a bullet hole in the heart. He looked at the cavern’s entrance and saw a very pale, barely standing Aramis with a musket in his hand. He was breathing heavily and was swaying on his feet.

 

Athos sighed in relief and hurried toward him, just in time to catch him as his legs didn’t support him anymore.

 

“Aramis” he breathed and gave a shaky laugh.

 

“You… alright?” Aramis said between breathes.

“I’m alright. I’m alright and that’s thank to you, what about you?” he replied as he helped Aramis back inside.

 

“I thought I was gone, you saved my life Aramis, thank you” he continued.

 

“I saved your life” said Aramis weakly as he seemed to understand that all the thoughts he had before seemed to be wrong.

 

That when the dam broke and all his emotions came out. Tears began to fall, faster and faster. Athos took him in his arms and ran his hand up and down his back murmuring to him how he wasn’t unworthy, how he was precious to them all. Eventually Aramis calmed down and let his head rest on Athos’ shoulder. Athos ran his hand through his brother’s hair. He lifted Aramis’ head, he wiped the tears track his thumb.

 

“You know you can talk to me, so do you want talk about it? I won’t judge I promise” he said to Aramis.

 

Aramis sighed and nodded.

 

“When we were on our assignment with D’Artagnan, I met Isabelle’s father… He recognized me…he had learnt of his daughter’s death… and that I was there… he confronted me… told me…it was my fault… I hurt all the ones I loved… and hit me in the face” he said slowly trying to explain and at the same time worrying about Athos’ reaction.

 

Athos tightened his hold on Aramis and resumed running his hand on his little brother’s back.

 

“He was wrong; it’s not your fault. She died because she wanted to protect the queen. If you want to blame someone, blame the ones who killed her.”

 

“You really believe what you’re saying?” Aramis asked weakly.

 

“Yes, of course I believe so, and so do Porthos and D’Artagnan. Let me tell you if I could meet this man I would punch him for hurting my little brother and explain to him what a good man you are” he replied.

 

Aramis swallowed thickly and a tear slid down his cheek at his brother’s words.

 

“There is another think I want to ask you, why did you begin to think about Savoy again?” Athos asked and added at Aramis questioning glance “When the fever took over and you had nightmares you talked about Marsac and the Duke”

 

Aramis took another deep breath and cleared his throat. Athos took his water skin and helped Aramis drink a little.

 

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to” he said softly.

“No, no I want to tell you, it’s just difficult… Before we left… when we were on guard duty… I heard the cardinal and the king… they were talking about another visit of the Duke of Savoy…” he explained.

 

“And bad memories came back” finished Athos, at Aramis nod he continued “Don’t you think Tréville sent us away because he didn’t want to bring back the bad memories”

 

Aramis nodded exhausted by his emotions.

 

“I understand better now, but you know you’re precious to us. You saved us all. Did Porthos tell you nearly killed the Duke in a duel? I wanted so badly to do it for what he did to you and the musketeers” Athos continued.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, when I saw the scar on his back all I could think about was how bad I wished I finished him off, Porthos had the same reaction too” he added.

 

“Thank you” Aramis said quietly with a yawn.

 

“You should rest, you need it” at Aramis look he added “I will stay with you and keep away the nightmares, alright?”

 

Aramis nodded and Athos helped him to lie down. He took a wet rag and replaced it on Aramis hot forehead. He then lied down next to him and took him in his arms to reassure him. Aramis quickly drifted off to sleep rapidly. And for the first time in a long time Aramis fell into a restful sleep. Athos too drifted rapidly.


	17. Chapter 17 Unbetaed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter, hope you enjoy.  
> And a special thanks to all the reviews :)

Chapter 17

Aramis slept peacefully right through the night without any nightmare and well into the morning. Athos woke up but didn’t want to disturb him as he slept so well and was finally recovering. He put his hand on his forehead and was happy to note that Aramis’ fever had finally broken.

 

It was like this that D’Artagnan and Porthos found them. Athos saw them coming in the cavern and prompted them against too much noise, before gesturing to a sleeping Aramis.

 

Porthos and D’Artagnan made their way to them quietly and sat down next to Athos and Aramis.

 

“We didn’t wait for you until tonight, what happened?” Athos asked quietly.

 

“When we reached the first village we found, we asked some questions and found out that there just were some farms burnt down. We found traces and followed them to the woods and realized that they were coming near you” explained D’Artagnan in a hushed tone.

 

Porthos nodded alongside him, his eyes focused on Aramis’ sleeping form.

“We saw the bodies near the cavern, what happened? Is he alright?” Porthos asked concerned.

 

“I heard noise some time after you left, Aramis was awake, and I told him to stay here and went to investigate. I discovered the bandits, a noise from one of the horses averted them of my presence and they attacked me. I managed to kill four of them, but the last was one was going to shoot me. And Aramis shoot him before he could. He saved me, and I finally managed to reach through him after he broke down.” He answered.

 

“Only Aramis could kill someone trying to kill us while hurt” said Porthos with big smile.

 

“He slept peacefully right through the night and his fever broke. As he is finally resting, I don’t want him to wake up” Athos said with a relieved smile.

 

D’Artagnan and Porthos nodded with relief. They were happy their brother was on the road to recovery.

 

They began to make some breakfast leaving Aramis in Athos’ good care. Aramis didn’t wake from the noises his brothers made; he was finally safe and knew he wasn’t a danger to them.

 

Aramis woke up relaxed and rested for the first time in a too long time. He realized his head was resting in Athos’ neck. He felt safe and wasn’t hurting to badly. He moved softly and opened his eyes. Athos felt Aramis wake up and move a little. He turned his head and looked at Aramis. He smiled as he saw Aramis’ open eyes.

 

“Look who is awake” Athos said. Porthos and D’Artagnan came to them.

 

Aramis turned slowly as he heard steps behind him. He smiled as he saw that his brothers were back. Athos helped him sit up and Porthos reached to hug Aramis, minding his wound. Once Porthos released him, D’Artagnan hugged him too.

 

“Glad to see you’re better” said Porthos with a grin.

 

“Glad to feel better” was his answer.

 

“Do you want some breakfast?” D’Artagnan asked.

 

Aramis nodded and D’Artagnan handed him a bowl. They all ate sharing stories of their first days as musketeers.

 

They were happy, Aramis was recovering and they had a successful mission. Aramis was still tiring easily so after eating and drinking, he felt tired again. Knowing he was in the safe presence of his brothers he fell once again asleep quickly.

 

They began the journey back to Paris a few days later, once Aramis was stronger. They were happy; the old Aramis was coming out of his shell with each passing day. He began to talk more, joking with Porthos and D’Artagnan and sometimes even Athos joined in on the jokes.

 

When they finally reached Paris, Aramis was once again himself. He felt himself stronger than before and closer to his brothers than before.

 

THE END.


End file.
